Ahhhh … Finally

To wake one morning finally and have a reasonable workload, deadlines met, and still looming, a job still hunted for … but for today … to know what today requires and know I can accomplish these things.

And have even an hour, amidst the tasks, to enjoy beauty, and the creation of and sharing of where life has taken me and us, unexpected and delightful.

Perhaps the hour really is not mine to claim, but that will only be known later so for now the joy of life relived.

On a week to a conference, prohibited from attending by a lay-pastor full of spite, I relaxed in the mountain views out the door, and the joy of working … for it was too cold to ski Sunshine, a gift from a friend and a life-long love of mine. I never was ever too keen on skiing when the valley temperatures are below -30C. Somehow pain and frost bite just take the joy out of gliding free down across and through the snow on telemarks skis.

So I was inside, though able to see beauty each day.

Bustling Beauty

Bleeping Cold Steam Rising From Frigid Flowing Water

The day we left the conference the temperatures went wildly warm, up to just below zero and then above.

The big snow fall sat on slopes barely intact and the helicopters flew to bomb the snow loose before nature decided to pack it all at once down on top of the valley inhabitants or wanderers. As if back in Fort Ripley with the constant bombing and shelling practice shaking the earth with loud ominous thunder echoing across the clouds invisible.

When a day later we headed north to traverse the icefields and dry camp at the new un-serviced Whirlpool campground we knew the road likely would be closed from 11 to 17 for three hours, yes the math is off, for snow bombing (avalanche control).

The previous and falling snow made a quiet wonderland, traversable still, though just deep enough.

We pulled off to breathe, and to take photos, and to marvel.

The trees held the snow, on the steep slopes off the roadway.

To no surprise then the flashing signs at Lake Louise, and the barricade closed at the Saskatchewan River Crossing. The surprise was that at that rather major junction there is a summer only hotel and service station, with fuel and everything else … in even the telephone line to the pay phone is disconnected and dormant for the winter. And that I checked by walking through the deep snow because for miles (okay Canadian Kilometers with a long o J) there is absolutely NOOOO cell service. So we had no updates and no way to notify friends and family that we’d decided to simply wait for the road to open.

Cloud draped Mountains around the Barricade Closed

We tried driving into a trailhead parking lot, but the snow was too deep and the truck simply not high enough nor powerful enough with enough traction to pull through all the snow up to mid axel. It bogged down and I stopped, and shovelled, and shovelled and shovelled and … finally it did not just spin in place but backed out.

Stuck it had serendipitously leveled the trailer to so close to perfect, that considering our options, we just shoveled some more and put the camper right back where it had been stuck, though now with ample area around to walk and service everything needed should we stay overnight and now after 1700 it looked like that was going to be necessary.

Dry, private camping, waiting

And it was. And there was no news even as a few trucks arrived, trying to get to Prince George, unaware of the closed road.

We finally met a park ranger returning from the far side of the barricade. The news was they’d closed the road at 11 ish, and at 12 ish the day before an avalanche had crossed the road. A path was punched through the snow and debris, but the helicopter snow bombers could not fly because of the high winds and the forecast did not make that likely for another few days, Monday at the earliest.

So we settled in not wondering if or when, because by Monday I needed to be home in Cold Lake.

Where the snow had fallen and was melting warmly into the ground, in drops by drops even off the deck railing out my door.

Home Free

And we sort of celebrated Valentine’s Day, early in the mountains and late at home with roses.

Traditions

Now faded in the late stages of colour and life.

Dark and Light

The light

Visible

Only

In the Dark.

When it is Dark you see the Light clearly –

Only at night can you see the beauty of the dancing northern lights.

Only in the light can you see the love of people you love as so precious.

My wife loves to ski, again,

after years of not being able to.

The bright light

On the cool snow

In the warm air

The Lake View After Dark

The Lakeview After Dark

When it really does get above freezing in January.

With a view to health we’ve found a quick outing to the quiet wilderness

Is just what the doctor would have ordered.

Years ago we sought out the backcountry with backpacks, sleeping bags and a small tent.

Now that’s a bit more than the old bones can handle, but the wilderness is nearly there,

When one exits the highly traveled areas and revisits what is popular in summer

Yet in Winter become

the deserted places far from civilization, yet accessible by road still,

become

A temporary wilderness

For the season

Just right

For

Recovery

From being controlled and abused and vilified and …
…

It is a dark sky

It is a beautiful sky

It is a beautiful life when one gets to take this in.

It’s A Little Cold

It’s a Little Cold Out
As I write this the temperature has dropped to minus 27 Celsius and it’s going to continue dropping says the forecast until it’s minus 30.
I did survival training years ago NW of Hinton. We mimicked what it would be like to be downed in an airplane with passengers needing to survive for 36 hours. Tea, the first medicine after the physical injuries were tended to, and then build a shelter for the night. Minus 20 the first night with a partner. Minus 30 the second night, solo. Third night was an all-natural shared shelter for everyone except the instructors, who slept next to a wood stove in a full shelter.
After the last night, of smoke from the shared fire, and little sleep, the thermometer was pegged below minus 40 on my rotary thermometer the next morning a few hours after sunrise.
So yesterday at minus 21, with camera in hand, with a down parka zipped up, a wool hat, simple jeans, warm boots and light enough gloves to feel the camera easily … and a great tripod, I simply enjoyed the ventures out from the warm vehicle to capture these precious photos, a profound beauty and reminder of days before the current hell I’m caught in and working to save others more vulnerable.
It’s not that it was terrific then, it’s just purgatory was decidedly not like this, and despite any temperature, what I’m working to set right, who I’m having to work to keep safe, or at least mitigate permanent damage to, the vulnerable, this kind of hell just does not seem to know beauty or truth or faith or love or hope or … well in a word, this hell has no place for the beauty of grace, the grace that saves us all.
So here they are in the same silence that I encountered them, absolute silence, with only the squeak and press of snow stepped into and upon, and breath … o precious breath that only now I have again … o precious breath that now again I have so that I can speak … well sort of.

Enjoy the beauty: for this cold is not hell, it is simple beauty, without flies or bites, a beauty that permeates everything.

Enjoy the beauty: for this as God created it and us to be; still standing, even through the hell and the cold.

These are dedicated to my little sister, who made photography for me a shared joy.
She was always better than she knew.

Epiphany in the New Year

Epiphany

This is the day that we remember that

The light breaks in wondrously

In the darkness

That over

Whelm

All

That

Is and can be

Until

As in 1930 in Savanah Georgia

In the darkness of the Great Depression

As real life shrunk

So small

The lines for soup

Kept millions alive

A game of golf provided hope

And a shell shocked Captain Junuh

Was lead into the light

To see the field by a caddy

Baggar Vance

Who for $5

Knew it was not beginning to be embarrassing,

No sir, it’s been for quite some time now

And

Knew that for a purpose

Each one entered a simple game to surrender to what cannot be forced against a ball and a pin with a club

But like in life one surrenders to what one is called to be and do

Profound or not

To see

Mystically

What

There

But

Others

Cannot

Know

For it is what one alone sees

…

The Light of Grace

…

Yet there was for so many so little

So little that can be done when all that is

is loss.

So we remember.

For generations there were always many who suffered at the hands of others looking to move ahead

At the cost of

Those around them …

…

And who betrayed those closest to them in order to get ahead as their loved one is left vulnerable

Because the beloved could not face the reality of the world that they created out of a profound fear of the light leaving them alone

So they attack

And whip others into a frenzy to attack their loved one for fictitious events

And the loved one is

Charged

Ruined

Left as good as dead

In the dark

Alone

Once again paying the price for being the one that loved unconditionally, and loves unconditionally.

So we remember.

Fortunately the darkness will not continue to overwhelm and leave one to die

For this day we remember that the Light breaks in

Through

All

That

Is broken

Spreading against all fears

Especially the imaginary ones of abandonment that haunt

Those

Who attack at all costs to save themselves from imaginary enemies projected onto their scapegoat.

So we remember

The Light

Loves unconditionally and inspires

Simple statements of truth:

“The success of love is in the loving – it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.”

“Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.”

Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light, Brian Kolodiejchuk, 2007

While seeking health and hope and renewal this was possible to capture the light from:

To what do you aspire?

Where are you looking this day?

What hope carries you

Through the darkness

Into the light

That arrives through the cracks of life and being and love itself?

So we remember that

As for me and my household we will serve the Lord,

For by grace alone are we able to stand when we are alone in the darkness waiting for the Light of truth and justice to arrive.

So we remember

That

There

Light.

Can you remember?

Can you see?

Do you remember the light of unconditional love?

It is Epiphany,

The day we remember

That the Light of Grace, Truth and Love

Illuminates every darkness

From the spark

Within

The

Holy Ones

…

Saints made by grace from Sinners, yet always both simultaneously.

This we remember

How

God’s

Grace

For

Everyone

Even those

Who ruin

Their loved ones betrayed.

Can you remember this in your darkness?

What makes up your darkness this day of Light?

Whoever you are, the Light shines in the darkness,

So dance a dance of hope.

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

Saint Mother Teresa: Something Beautiful For God, Malcolm Muggeridge, 1971

And what is between you and God is not that you need to think, believe, speak, write, do or not all that is right for God,

But that because God has long since done everything right with you,

And made you

A Saint always, even as you remain always a Sinner

And not having to earn God’s unconditional love

What will you do this day? Or any day,

Other than to respond to the greatest news

That the world has or will ever hear

…

How will you approach each day?

Why other than

To seek justice when it is impossible, for it is already given to you.

To speak truth when it will never be heard, for even before you were born it was heard from your lips, between the cries that wrack your life unpredictably, unwanted, to not be denied.

To offer grace even though the response is cruel, for only by grace are you still standing.

To love unconditionally even though those loved are inseparably exiled from your love, protection and security, for already unconditional love met you and carried you each day past, present and future.

To find joy even though it has been ripped from your heart by jailers and rules, for the Ruler and Jailer has already met you with a joy in you, specifically you, and all that makes up you.

For you have been accepted as you are, equipped as a Saint, a person through which the Light shines.

So Shine even when it is declared that Darkness will not be denied.

Justice, truth, grace, unconditional love, joy, and shining Light:

This is what we are made to be made of.

This is our Game, no matter the goals we take on, this is our Game,

Which cannot be won by other than surrendering to what is,

To be Saints and forgive us the Sinners.

Real Beauty, Real Truth, Real Christmas

Starting Advent:

We wait, taking in the celebration of light, looking through the lens of Grace that Jesus makes clear, hoping that this time, especially this time, God will come to us and set things right, before there is no more time to set things right,

That truth will be heard, the lies uncovered, life reset before the twilight zone came to visit my world.

But the world always resists Grace, since Grace comforts those disadvantaged, and disadvantages the comfortable.

There are things to see.

There are things to say.

There are truths which are being played with, and in the end the next generation learns that the lies are better than the truth.

It is like photography, everything is simple, even beautiful: until you realize something is being sacrificed: something precious; something basic and fundamental; something that seems …

Something so fundamental that there is nothing left if this is sacrificed.

We visited the mountains, to help me recover from acute bronchitis that just would not go away.

In the parking lot, a brand new camper compared to the ancient one we were using, having to fix it so it did not kill us.

There is something refreshing about breathing the mountain air.

But when it’s full of CO it puts a throbbing headache in the way and had I not opened the door so often that night ….

So this seemed a better option but not possible for us.

There were beautiful things,

beautiful light and snow on pine trees and clouds,

if you raised your head, which is always really hard to avoid.

On the way I caught the fog, again and again, and coming out of the fog is marvelous, for photographers, because the light … the light plays with reality to make it seem different, special.

It’s not always special; sometimes it’s just ordinary.

And then the sunlight hits the fog while the road flies by.

But then … then

It hits you.

And there are lots of shots that show its beauty that just hit you.

As you stop the light hits the trees.

And all that can be played with making it even more …

It looks great, even if it is not real.

But the picnic table is real.

Simple real in the early, early morning hours just as light starts to peak around the mountain air.

And Pyramid Mountain never looked so good, as the camera pushes through the darkness and the software reveals what the human eye could barely see.

And the software can make it look more than surreal, more than a cloudy mountain top with pines and fog, but how can more be really more when the reality is quite enough plus some?

Even if you have to wait a few hours for the sun to shine clear amid the clouds and shadows of late afternoon.

Simple skiing, now that’s real with the real mountains and clouds and snow laden pine trees … and the clear mountain air healing the bronchitis.

And that makes the waiting of Advent a waiting for truth, the truth God revealed on Christmas.

John the Baptist knew crazy but he never knew crazy, not crazy like I’ve had to suffer since ….

Breathe the fresh air.

Snow at the Lake

One can only enjoy the quiet and solitude

of mountains, snow, and water.

Just a bit of fun, snow and lake and colour and …

A short walk.

That’s all for today.

Snowy Morning Pines and River

Snow by the Athabasca
Waking at the fresh hour of 9 the light snow falls everywhere around dampening the sounds, covering the views and clearing the mind … and making the photography some of my favorite: not cold at -2, not too wet, and diffused, specular light everywhere!

Quite often in life, how you orient yourself determines what you see, how you perceive it, and what you can do with it.
The same path, with a different perspective, is … enticing.
See the world as God’s invitation to engage and enjoy and provide care and beauty to others, all others.

And sometimes, taking a better view of the same thing produces a whole new understanding, and perspective.

Early Morning Mountains

Early Morning Mountains
Kathie needed something besides the ground to sleep on so she found this for a weekend to the mountains.

The basics upgraded, with highway sandings

On the way it became obvious that a sway bar hitch was needed. As the roads became skating rinks at Hinton, traffic slowing to a crawl behind a smart semi driver, more than one slide and slip gave proof that this hitch more than paid for itself: without it we would have seen the ditch spinning out of control.

The unit had all sides, but the fantastic piece is this time of year the campground is deserted for the most part, and even after all the delays, we arrived, the third vehicle only in the campground. It’s mountain air, fresh, cool and quiet, next to a flowing river.

And me, the put it on your back or leave it behind, suddenly had on my back, well the back of my truck, a camper, not mine, to provide electricity, and warmth and comfort needed at these advanced years. And the freedom, freedom relative to the shakes, fatigue, weight loss, insomnia, and fear of the previous years … well the comparison is like night and day; death and life.

The Dark side, there’s always a dark side.

It took an awful lot of hard work to get this borrowed trailer ready for the trip, for use after being in moth balls for the last three years plus.
But here it is: all comfortable and well, pristine air in no short supply. And in the morning light, the views as always prove renewing. That’s something I’ve needed after the last 3 years. That was a darkside.

Coming Out of the Fog

This post was delayed, due to to a memory error. I’d tell you about it but I’ve forgotten what it was, something to do with WP Memory Limit.
Yesterday, driving in the early morning heavy fog, the sun started to poke through just ever so slightly and this flew by.
I stopped, pressed for time or not, to catch the light.
Can you catch light, really? Waves or particles, with bare hands, and hold it tight to own it?
Never, but one can take the light of the world through the yuck of crude meanness and, as Leonard Cohen taught me to say, celebrate the light that gets in just because of the cracks. Actually Chet Hoversten taught me to say it, in more Lutheran theological language, which has served me all my life: the Grace of God is not earned, but enters our lives, in spite of and just because we are broken people, and this Grace and favour given as a free gift, never earned, not even for believing the right things, transforms our lives, sets us free, establishes that God is for us no matter what, and then this Grace allows us to surrender and ask: so with this absolute freedom, given by none other than God, what am I going to do (what are we going to do) with this … this freedom, this life, this Grace, this unconditional forgiveness:
Are we going to try to control it and foist it on others: That is to create our own hell out of it, just saying.
Or
Are we going to try to codify it and foist it on ourselves and others: That is to create our own hell out of it, just saying.
Or
Are we, am I, going to simply ask each morning and each moment, how can I extend this Grace unmerited to as many people as possible this day, this moment?
Photography is easier, and more difficult: you can capture the light, and then share it. And as many know the worst weather often creates light that is the most spectacular, by being specular, and it makes possible some great photography.
Now, I was running hard, and just had fun, so this is not the BEST photography, it’s just fun, to be enjoyed:

The second readjustment that my rushed timeline allowed

The fourth and final take of light breaking in upon us

The fourth and final … and I had to jump out of the freezing, fingers throbbing cold, without even time to put everything back in the cases and move on, hoping there’d be another take for the light. But within a few km the sun broke clear through from 2 hours in the sky and all that was left was to make the next deadline.
And later that night, falling asleep in my chair more than once I put the exposure bracketed files together with HDR and tweeked. So this is light and software and playing around with reality.
Not suggested to be done with God’s light in our lives. It already had endless exposures bracketed for us to see, and assembly by software or however is simply not helpful, nor needed to notice the awesome, amazing Grace …
For each of us.